After going through so many struggles, from thoughts of giving up, feeling lost and afraid, self-doubt and reaching the tipping point of things. It all takes a toll and sometimes we’re left with a tough choice whether to save ourselves of the people we love. In this episode we’d hope to clarify why saving ourselves can end up saving more people in the long run.
I don’t know about you but there’s been so much talk about self-love lately that almost everywhere in social media we are reminded to put our needs first. I for one am also one of those who preach self-love and why being secure about yourself and the love for yourself saves you from so much heartache and pain.
How self-love is an act of saving yourself from future troubles and high expectations of people who’d end up disappointing you. Self-love really goes beyond just doing things alone, or buying things for the self. That’s one aspect of it but what it really is, it is choosing to love yourself even when you don’t feel like it, it’s knowing your boundaries and walking away from things that destroy you, it’s taking the time off when everything else get overwhelming. It’s maintaining yourself in order for you to keep going and fighting through this tough world.
Let me tell you this, I wasn’t the epitome of self-love back then, nor am I the perfect example now, but I am trying. Self-love is a process that never ends because each day you’d completely feel different about yourself and as you grow you’d have to learn how to love each and every part of yourself as you go.
There was a time in my life where I wanted to please everyone around me. I wanted to be that perfect son that got good grades and who does extracurriculars, who always has their shit together. I put out plans and shared it with other people with the hopes that I could fill the void inside me longing for the validation of others. I wanted everyone to love me, to like who I am. I had to say yes to things I didn’t want in my life just so I could be “in”. To the point that I stay in relationships where the other person does not even seek to try and understand me and be with me. I begged for people to stay, I chased love and acceptance from everyone but me. Everything that I knew about me was more about the people around me than myself. I wanted everyone to be proud of every single decision in my life and unknowingly I became a passenger in my own life. Waiting on people, hoping on people to fill me with love, to exceed all my expectations of who they are only to be disappointed in the end.
Then a point in my life came where so many changes had happened and what I used to know about myself, love, and the people around me was completely shattered. I was outed, I got cheated on and I lost people in my life who I thought would be with me for this lifetime. When these things were taken away from me, I never knew how broken I was, how much saving I needed because I was too busy saving them, living my life for them. When this happened I had to wander to different places to find pieces of me in the most unexpected places. It wasn’t easy to shed the old parts of me and let them wither and die. I had to go through phases of a new life to be reborn. I started to sit down with myself and ask the questions, WHO AM I?
WHAT AM I WORTH? AM I ALWAYS GOING TO BE HURT LIKE THIS?
I acted like I was the victim, of my own doings and the choices I made because that’s what it seems. Then I realized that I have been giving so much of me than I am left empty and left for dead when all these people chose to walk away. I was never there for myself the way I was there for other people. I had to reclaim my life. I had to rediscover the things I dream of, the things I want for myself and all that I am capable of. I started doing things for me, going out to new places, joining events and seminars that spark my interest and even started to create contents, poetry and many more. I did all this while being afraid of what my future holds. Then it hit me my life will only unravel if I decided to take the wheel of my life. To save myself this time. At first I thought it was selfish but then again, I was told love and over again that you can’t give what you don’t have, that in order to be someone that can love again I must first be filled with my own love. In order to save someone else I too must not need saving. So day by day I started saving myself, picking me up, telling myself how much I have survived and all the other things I can take power over.
So if you’re here in this situation thinking of who should you be saving? This is the sign to choose you this time. That in order for you to live your life, to love freely and continue nurturing your growth and your relationships you have to care for YOU.
YOU DESERVE LOVE. ESPECIALLY THE LOVE YOU HAVE TO OFFER. Think of saving yourself from the heartaches, from people that seeks to crush your spirits and devour your soul. From situations that lead you to despair and find your way if you ever feel lost.
You have to dig deep within to find your center, then when you do, it’s time for you to shine your light and let your north star guide you.
This is all easier said than done, but if this message resonates with you and gives you hope to find your way, please do. I believe that you already know how to save yourself, because you’ve been doing it for others for the longest time.
This is it, start asking the tough questions, start taking the steps to save you, to see how you could conquer the world by storm because you can. Now it may be tough and it seems like all the odds are stacked against you, just remember you being here today just means you got through most of your bad days, and what is to come is something you have yet to overcome!
You can do this, you are loved, and you are worthy to be here in this world.